This week I sat down with Bridget Zoltek to discuss her story, her work, and what flipped her lid. Listen or watch as we tackle the topics of narcissism & codependency.
ABOUT BRIDGET
Bridget Zoltek is the founder of Unlimited Learning. She is an Educational Therapist and Christian Life Coach in private practice since 2003. As an Educational Therapist she has helped:
• Elementary, Middle School, High School, and College students
• Professionals including: Doctors, Educators, Real Estate Agents, Business Owners
As a Christian Life Coach, she has helped:
• Families cultivate healthy dynamics
• Women grow and heal after exiting abusive relationships
• Students cope with and heal after bullying
• Adults develop empowering beliefs, behaviors, and communication
• Adults recover from codependency
While operating Unlimited Learning, Bridget has written five books. Her “SMART Study Skills” Student Edition and teachers guide have been used as a study skill curriculum in two of the top Christian private schools in Central Florida since they were published in 2012. Before devoting herself to Unlimited Learning, Bridget was the Director of a private Cognitive Development Clinic. During her time there, she was trained in and used over 30 different research-based programs, headed the research department, trained and supervised clinicians, and provided professional development.
As a public speaker she has spoken at:
• The University of Central Florida
• The International Dyslexia Association
• Valencia College
• Nova Southeastern University
In addition to being an industry leader in learning, Bridget is a mother. She is also both a fine artist and a licensed commercial artist. Her art features imagery of hope, healing, and joy.
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WHAT FLIPPED BRIDGET’S LID?
While Bridget has had many opportunities in life to flip her lid, in 2015, she was served with a lawsuit by her ex-husband whom she divorced in 2014. She went out to get the mail and found a letter from a law office. Her 12-year-old son was home, so she sent him off to play while she attempted to interpret the law jargon. There happened to be a mom who was a lawyer that she had worked with in the past that had offered her services to Bridget if she happened to ever need anything in the future.
Eventually, Bridget came to realize that in this civil case her former husband of 19 years was bringing against her, she was going to potentially lose everything because of the intentionally destructive nature of the case.
Bridget shares that she’s a very peaceful person and that she doesn’t enjoy conflict, but that her father taught her to,
NEVER THROW THE FIRST PUNCH, BUT MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT THE ONE ON THE GROUND AT THE END.
From there, Bridget decided to use her background in research to learn everything she could that would allow her to fight the good fight, all the while depending fully on God for direction and provision. At the end of the case, the judge clarified that Bridget’s former husband and his lawyer had abused certain aspects of civil law and used fraudulent claims to come against her. Bridget was able to keep her son, stay in her house, and didn’t even have to pay legal fees!
When all had concluded, Bridget’s lawyer encouraged her to find a way to help other women navigate the civil court system and participate successfully with legal representation.
Bridget shared that her story doesn’t belong to her, it belongs to anyone who can be helped by it. That journey helped her through 2020. She had been helping others
FIND STRENGTH WHERE THERE SEEMS TO BE NO STRENGTH TO FIND.
During the pandemic, Bridget lost two businesses and was unable to secure benefits. After more research into why she was so stuck in the system, she found that she had been the victim of identity theft and had been reported dead! After a private temper tantrum in her bedroom, Bridget began to pray fervently for everything she needed to learn and grow through this experience. After a good, long nap, she was able to get to work at fixing the problem, and thankfully, she was able to move through the storm of that financial struggle.
From there, she discovered the gift of creating in the quiet, lonely boredom of sheltering in place. Eventually, she had twelve paintings that are now a calendar that she hopes will bring hope to others in the wake of 2020.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE A SPOUSE BETRAY AND ATTACK AFTER BUILDING A LIFE TOGETHER?
Bridget did a lot of learning and therapy and realized that her former husband was not the first to abuse her in this way. A book called, Stop Walking on Eggshells helped her discover that there was a template for why she was attracted to abusive people. She noticed behaviors and trauma responses that she’d never identified before.
Through further research on how to heal, she discovered journaling in a way she hadn’t before. Non-fiction narrative became her modality for telling her story to herself. She was able to let everything out from a different perspective. She could reflect and not relive it. She was able to then write a new ending and use her language to no longer react and respond to other people’s stuff. She saw that a lot of wounding that was done to her was through words.
Kim points out that when you’re dealing with someone with a personality disorder, you have to learn how to hold your own and stay connected to yourself. There is a lot of learning around how to avoid going into your own disorder and fuel the flames of a codependent partner.
Eventually, Bridget received her former husband’s diagnosis. She realized she had zero possibility of having an emotionally connected relationship with him. She then had to learn how to manage life with someone with a personality disorder, and how to help her son cope with the toxic environment at his father’s house. Kim points out that true co-parenting with a narcissist is simply not possible. You will have to be the primary parent, engage in intentional detox time for your child, and manage to avoid becoming entangled in the disfunction.
Kim emphasized that people with personality disorders feel powerful and entitled when others serve them or try to do things to change the behavior of the abusive person. When
In the end, Bridget realized that she doesn’t need to change who she is supposed to be in order to make others comfortable.
Her understanding of codependency and narcissistic personality disorder allowed her to find freedom from the shame need to change her own behavior in order to find peace with others, particularly her son’s father. She realized that she didn’t cause it, she couldn’t cure it, and she couldn’t change it.
For more about Bridget’s story, watch or listen to the full episode!
While you’re here, why not check out Kim’s book?
But Your Mother Loves You is the witty and candid tale of how a renowned psychotherapist moved from “not good enough” to “the right person” despite childhood neglect and a toxic relationship with her mother.
Everyone knows at least one person who demonstrates toxic love, someone who consistently jabs a straw in others and sucks the life right out of them. Without an in-depth understanding of how to navigate these relationships, most people continue to emotionally regress and remain paralyzed in familiar, pain-soaked patterns. But Your Mother Loves You helps readers overcome this cycle of toxicity.
Kim Honeycutt shares the real-life experience of how a shame-based, self-destructive little girl grew up to be a recovered alcoholic, entered the world of psychology as a professional, and created her own strategies to address and conquer toxicity.
This story, both witty and practical, is told through the lens of personal life experience and expert psychological strategies combined with Godly intervention. Readers learn how to either walk away from or walk with a toxic loved one without losing themselves. Covered in both vulnerability and clinical information, But Your Mother Loves You provides a step-by-step approach on how to stop toxic love and the subsequent self-abuse.