ABOUT LATOSHA
Latosha, or Tosh as she’s called by her friends, accepted Christ as her Lord and Savior at the age of 13, a few shorts months after the death of her mother.
She is a widow and mom to five energetic, unapologetic children— some with severe and some with mild special needs. Her husband, George, who she affectionately called Mr. Jenkins, passed away unexpectedly due to kidney complications in 2018. On the face of it, her life has been a blemished record marked by grief. But a deeper, discerning eye would see the hand of God in shaping her faith to count it all joy.
A graduate of Davidson College, Latosha works professionally as a realtor. Entirely, she is a devoted Christian who is beginning the seminary journey as she answers the call to ministry. She is a member of Huntersville United Methodist Church where she currently serves as a Christian Formation and Communications Intern.
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What flipped Tosh’s lid?
Her final flip was a combination of all the prior lid flips from her past. When her husband passed away unexpectedly, all the pieces of her life were pulled apart. All her plans had to be reset. Fortunately, she had a foundation of faith that still stood when everything else was leveled.
Latosha’s mom also passed away when she was only 13 years old, but again, her connection with the Lord was strong even then. Even as the fourth of five children and the only girl, she somehow felt alone in her grief, and yet she knew God was present and ministering to her.
Kim asked Tosh what her grief looks like on a daily basis. She shared that her emotions are all over the spectrum and that we tend to focus on the absence of those we’ve lost. But we also have to discover who we are without those loved ones in our lives. She has to figure out how to give when the person you want to give to most isn’t there.
Kim shared that she was told at the beginning of her career that if a patient loses someone and feels like they can’t function anymore, then it was a dysfunctional relationship, but she doesn’t believe that’s true anymore. Latosha agrees. She feels it’s more important to focus on who we are in the absence of the one we’ve lost than showing up as the person others used to know.
Latosha shared her experience with talking to friends about knowing she can’t show up in relationships as the person she used to be after the death of her husband and asking if they can move forward with that understanding. She knows she’s a supportive person who holds others up in their calling, but in the throes of grief, we can’t always fulfill even our own desire to be present to others. It’s important to recognize that sometimes we have to trust God to do what we’re not capable of at times.
As their conversation continued, Kim explored Tosh’s education at Davidson University as a first-generation college student. She noted that since she broke the identity curse in her family, many other family members have gone on to attend college. Kim notes that when we see others go before us, we believe we can follow in their footsteps.
“If you are the first, you won’t be the last.” -Latosha Jenkins
Kim asked Tosh to share her personal definition of grief. In her own words, grief is a recognition of loss and an opportunity for hope. She adds that grief cannot be standardized. Each person must be allowed to move through their process in their own way and in their own time. We can’t let our own discomfort with others’ pain tempt us to force people to “move on” because of our inability to experience joy in their presence.
Latosha is passionate about helping people find their authentic faith. All should be together in community no matter where they are on their journey. Kim expressed the reality of the Church being a hospital, and that relationships between misfits will be messy. Like a puzzle with many unique pieces that look chaotic when not put together, each one must be present in order for the bigger picture to come together.
In closing, Kim asked Tosh to share some advice about dealing with grief. When engaging in community in the midst of grief, it’s so important to find at least one person in your life who can affirm the truth of who you are. Many grieving people feel like they want to give up on life, so having at least one person who can remind you that there is something for you after this is imperative. Find people you can trust who you can call to share when you’re having a hard day. Find a support group like GriefShare, speak with a therapist, and stay connected to the people who know you best.
CONNECT WITH LATOSHA
FACEBOOK: facebook.com/latosha.jenkins
INSTAGRAM: instagram.com/talk2tosha
While you’re here, why not check out Kim’s book?
But Your Mother Loves You is the witty and candid tale of how a renowned psychotherapist moved from “not good enough” to “the right person” despite childhood neglect and a toxic relationship with her mother.
Everyone knows at least one person who demonstrates toxic love, someone who consistently jabs a straw in others and sucks the life right out of them. Without an in-depth understanding of how to navigate these relationships, most people continue to emotionally regress and remain paralyzed in familiar, pain-soaked patterns. But Your Mother Loves You helps readers overcome this cycle of toxicity.
Kim Honeycutt shares the real-life experience of how a shame-based, self-destructive little girl grew up to be a recovered alcoholic, entered the world of psychology as a professional, and created her own strategies to address and conquer toxicity.
This story, both witty and practical, is told through the lens of personal life experience and expert psychological strategies combined with Godly intervention. Readers learn how to either walk away from or walk with a toxic loved one without losing themselves. Covered in both vulnerability and clinical information, But Your Mother Loves You provides a step-by-step approach on how to stop toxic love and the subsequent self-abuse.